3 Phases Experienced During Treatment

By Alanna Hilbink

When your teen is struggling, you want to keep them safe and happy. But it can be hard to know what to do when their emotions or reactions are big and overwhelming. Understanding the three phases experienced during treatment can help you support your teen and yourself during this time of stabilization and trauma processing.

Phase One: Denial

Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. Harvard Health Publishing explains that denial lets us feel safe, but this illusion of safety essentially just “keeps us from looking at ourselves or addressing something around us and making a change.” 

Anyone considering treatment is most likely aware that change is needed. The situation can’t be ignored any longer, even if your teen may still be denying that their mental health is a concern, that alcohol or drug use is a problem, or that their behavior is more than either of you are equipped to handle. They are not processing trauma, or even acknowledging it exists.

So how do you know when it’s time to fully end your own denial and take action? In our Beyond Theory podcast, The Meadows Adolescent Center Executive Director Mike Gurr suggests that any one of the following indicates a serious and immediate need for young adult mental health treatment at some level:

• If your child will not let you parent (“no matter what you’re doing, no matter what you say, no matter what you try,” Gurr says)
• If you are concerned about the physical health and safety of your child or the people around them, including yourself
• If their mental health is affecting their ability to function, to participate in life, on a regular, daily basis

Even as you see one or more of these signs, your teen may still be in denial about the seriousness of the situation or the need for treatment. But trust yourself as a parent. You know this is more than either of you can handle alone. Working through denial and getting treatment is essential if your teen is going to live a balanced, successful, and healthy life.

Phase Two: Manipulation

Your child will want to come home once they’ve started mental health and trauma treatment. Gurr says, “I promise you, you’re going to get a statement from your child, where they say, I’m fixed. I’m done. I see the light. I’m sorry for everything I did. Come and get me.” And the timing of this usually lines up with when you start to really miss your child, when you’re most susceptible to this manipulation. 

So what exactly is manipulation? Manipulation can be verbal or physical, but when coming from your teen, it’s most likely emotional. VerywellHealth.com explains that emotional manipulation helps a person avoid conflict, responsibility, and change. Emotional manipulation involves creating doubt and confusion and causes you to question yourself, your choices, and what is happening around you.

Manipulation doesn’t stop after the initial pressure and promises. Once your child is in stabilization, when they’re feeling slightly better or medications are helping to balance their mental health symptoms, they may try to convince you and themselves that they’re good now, everything is fine. Gurr shares that after a teen starts feeling a little better, after they have put in some work, both they and you as a parent may begin to doubt if further treatment is needed: “At that point, the parents are like, Oh, well, maybe they are done. Maybe they have done this work. So then that’s when the kid will negotiate. Many times the parents start to question, Did I do the right thing?” 

But feeling a little better isn’t the same thing as trauma treatment. It isn’t the same thing as deep mental health healing. It isn’t the start of lifelong recovery unless it’s followed up with the final phase of treatment.

Phase Three: Acceptance

Phase three happens when your teen is getting the professional support he or she needs and is starting deep healing and trauma integration. The Meadows Adolescent Center provides programs that work — as long as everyone is on board through every phase of healing. When the family comes together and everyone trusts the process, success is inevitable.

Don’t give in to denial or manipulation — yours or your child’s. As a parent, your role is to support and encourage your child in reaching acceptance and truly participating and doing the work. Your role is also to do your own work. You have your own phases of processing trauma to go through. As Gurr says, “If you can do that … start doing your work, you just do not understand the power that that has on your child.” Reaching acceptance will help your child to do the same, so the family as a whole can heal and move forward.

Begin the Phases of Treatment

Begin these phases of treatment by reaching out to us at The Meadows Adolescent Center. We can help you learn more about supporting your child’s mental health and recovery while finding whole family healing. We offer programs specialized for teen boys ages 13 to 17, but if your child falls outside these demographics, please still contact us. We can put you in touch with resources that match you and your family’s specific recovery needs. Remember, the first step toward healing begins with seeking support, and our team is here to guide you every step of the way.